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So that was Easter 2004

Well, it wasn't exciting or very interesting really. i didn't go anywhere, still paying off the money for air tickets and Con tickets.... but that will end. in the meantime, i stay at home like a good little twit and try not to spend any money... easier said than done, when your internet security fees need paying and the phone bill comes in [not too high, thank you goddess..] but you don't buy anything that isn't totally necessary.
ok, that chocolate bar i bought myself wasn't life-threateningly necessary but the only goodie i am likely to get for quite a while... i did need the washing powder...

we had a lunch in the Hotel for a Rolls Royce enthusiasts club yesterday and i went down to have alook at them - lovely old motors, so beautiful and nostalgic - i spoke to a couple of the organisers and took some pictures - the lady who is involved with their newsletter gave me an email so will send her what i took...
it is fatal for me to show my face anywhere near the front of house, somebody wants something - nevermind it is my time off... there is always somebody whining "Ji-ll, blah is wrong, help me fix it"... sure enough, 'we need/i need' as soon as i come into view - what do you do? you fix it. The signs had not been put out for the lunches, menus still sitting uselessly on the side desk, "we've run out of paper" [take my keys, get a box and bring them straight back to me!] - show the receptionist how to access computer and alter part of today's menu when the chefs have made a cock-up.... and so on...
but on the good side, i got to Messenger with Char, my dear sister and make sure she is ok. Her spirits are up and keep her going through bloody adversity and i am conscious yet again how small and pathetic my attempts to help her focus on good things are but i keep trying, i love her. She has so much courage and bravery, it brings tears to my eyes... i can't wait to see her in August - goddess forbid any intervention or impediment, please...
All my lovelies are having problems at the moment, darlin Vic is in the coils of a turbulent serpent that drags in work problems, family problems and piles on the stress... i can only send little messages of love and support and give her space to sort it all out. She knows i will be here when she is ready...
My sweetest Kat is similarly bedevilled with little added extras of people not living up to the name of 'friend' - nobody needs that sort of stress and it is difficult when you are so young and don't have the years to help buffer some of the shit that hits around you.
it doesn't matter that it is not your fault or that, goddess help us, you do not deserve this - there will always be assholes who do not appreciate what you are going through or realise that you have your problems too and really cannot take on their's too.. we do allow our friends such enormous liberty and it can blow up in our faces but i guess that is what makes us human and so damned fallible - just do it somewhere else!
i can only do the same, sit back, let her sort through it - don't tap on her shoulder so much and let her come to me when she is ready and wants to... *sniffs* i can wait.. that is what i do, it's one of the things i am good at...

i am okay in myself, just worried about them - i get lonely too but i am used to that. i now depend on my computer so much, it frightens me... if anything happened to it, i'm not sure what i would do. i need my in-the-flesh friends like Nicky, Tracey, Sharon, Susie and Mark, people i can see and feel - not connected with this Hotel but who know how i am placed here....
i need to go down to London NEXT MONTH! interact with my mates, go to the Ghost of the Robot concert, rave on and then go see James the next day... Catch up with some Marsters Mobsters, MoreThanSpikers and hopefully Rocky, helping running behind the show. Susie, Ariane coming from France and me booked into a little hotel for the duration and eyes all looking in the same direction.
i have never heard James and the boys in person, missed out completely last year [such a tragedy!] and whatever they play i won't care - i will be THERE! please...
Susie & Ariane will have heard GOTR in Coventry by then and will have filled me in on that little goodie, so i will be salivating on that one... i want to go so bad...

Then, my darlings, it's tighten belts and hold on until August - and the Super Slayer Con in San Francisco!!!!!!!
YAY!! now that i am so stoked about, it will be sooooooo good. Susie & i will share to keep the costs down, Ariane is doing the same with her brother but Holy Wow!! Char is coming from Alaska, Vicki from Sydney, girls from UK, Germany and all points James... Cor..
i am so hoping that Kat will be able to see her way to visiting - wicked busy or not, you seem to fit in what you want to, if you want it bad enough. Which is me going to this Con.... i could not afford it and still can't really but my friends have made it possible for me and letting me catch up financially, so wonderful and i do really appreciate it....
i will not be able to afford such luxuries when i retire, unless i do it on a credit card... have to be tight with my finances and be really clean by then, cause there will be no extra money coming then from salary... i really am thinking seriously of retiring to Australia if i am allowed back - i should have taken citizenship when i was there... didn't think about it... i want to be with Carolyn again, i miss that sweetness so much, beyond telling... i hope by then she will be on the way to her dream little hotel and i want to help her run it, i could at least be there to help all i can - and we need to win the damned Lottery!!
it is warmer there and more pensioner-friendly than this damned thrice-accursed country... we don't have an economy here, just a government stranglehold. it has been such a disappointment for me to come back and live in my own country, isn't that appalling? there are compensations to living here, in that it is closer to places i wanted to be but that isn't saying much for the actual place is it? there is very little to recommend Britain away from the scenery and access to more 'things' - i would miss the mates i have made here for sure but in the end i must go where i will have a chance of being happy - being old and not very mobile here is a grim prospect.

But for now, keep taking the tablets and stay as sharp and alert as possible and Don't Give Up Your Dreams...
*note to self - ARE YOU LISTENING?!!* yeah, i'm listening.